From time to time I will encounter people or hear things that once infuriated me and find that it doesn’t bother me at all. And I also find myself repulsed by people and words that I once embraced. What has happened?
Grieving changes us. It changes us more than we know. It changes how we think of death, and it changes how we view life. This is not a once and for all change. I am finding that I am changing sometimes daily. Some of the changes are due to the need to protect myself from well-meaning but hurtful people who would damage my fragile psyche if I let them. Some of the changes are the result of PTSD. Some of the changes are of unknown origin. But they are all changes nonetheless.
There seem to be some bedrock issues in my life that are unmoved and unchanged. Things I believe. Things I trust. But there are other things in my life that are open to review and possibly being discarded. I am still sorting these things out and weighing what to do day by day. This is probably why grieving people often feel like they are losing their minds. Change can be both exhilarating and terrifying. When the Lord turned the captivity of Israel they felt like it was a dream. It took them time to sort it all out. And those who survived were different people.
So don’t be put off by the changes in my life. Don’t discard me just because you don’t understand me. Accept me and love me and befriend me for who I am, not for who I was.