As we move through the process and journey of grief we need to remember that this is not a check list of lessons learned. We are not on the clock with a time limit or a calendar that we can mark off the days. We will grieve until we are through.
The question many of us will ask is, Why is grieving so hard? Why does it take so long? When will it be normal again? First understand that if your spouse died you lost more than just a person. You are missing someone who used to be one flesh with you. The person you loved and relied on in missing. All of the strengths and values you got from that person are gone. We even miss things about them we used to take for granted.
The first few years most agree are the hardest. First holidays, first anniversaries of anything, all feel strange and different. There is even a separate Griefshare program for Surviving the Holidays. You will have to go through all of these events until you find a way to make them work in your new situation.
The secret to surviving is planning. Plan what you want to do and what you may need to do to survive.Do not let fear rob you of any joy you may still feel. Don’t let the fear of emotion keep you from doing things you may enjoy.
The other thing to work towards is doing things that take the focus off of you. Go to church, pray, help others in some way. This is impossible for you at first but it will become clear in time whay you need to do. Our grief does not end with our comfort.
Don’t give up in despair. God will help you get through this season of grief.