This is the final post that comes from the Griefshare program. I will from time to time have more to say about the things I learned from Griefshare. So let’s get to this week’s lesson.
The final lesson deals with the inevitable question we all will finally come to; what now? Where do I go from here? And how do I get there? If you are still in shock over the death of a loved one file this away for future reference. But if you, like me, feel that the worst is behind you and you feel a faint stirring inside your soul about the future, then this will help you right now.
Moving forward is one of the major steps in our grieving journey. As a matter of fact, not moving on is a problem. And let me adjust my term right now. We want to move forward. Moving on sounds too much like forgetting, and we will never forget. Yesterday was our wedding anniversary. I remember. But moving forward means re-engaging in life. Getting involved with work or people or church or other worthwhile activity. Having fun doing fun things with fun people. Remember, they died, you didn’t.
Moving forward is a process that doesn’t happen all at once. But it does and will happen to you. You will begin to notice who you are in spite of others expectations of you. And you will begin to like who you are now. You may even find yourself being excited about your future. You will beging to ponder the future without fear. It is an exciting time.
One key to facing the future without fear is to shorten your focus. It may not be minute to minute any more, but it need not be years or decades out in front of you either. Just think about what you can see and how you can get there. In time your vision will broaden. Now is the time to reset your life; your priorities, your focus, your life.
Knowing what we need is important. Knowing where we need help is also important. If we don’t know how can others who want to help us know how? Forget what you should be able to do. Forget what you feel you ought to do. God knows, but others don’t. So tell them where you are and what you need. Be specific in your prayers. Be honest with your friends. Tell them; I need someone to eat with me, I need someone to help with my chores, I need you to stop by just to visit me, I need you to call me and just talk.
Here are some final thoughts to finish up this lesson. These are ideas for you to explore on your own.
If you need to see a counselor, do it. Take getting help to the next level.
Cherish the memories you have. In time deal with their stuff. Honor their legacy.
The greatest legacy anyone could leave is love. They loved us. We can love others.
Peace and pain can and do coexist. This is true in life. It is true in death.
Death has a way of refocusing life. Be aware and be wise about this.
Ultimately the Cross is our example. Looked very bad, but brought ultimate good.
With God it is never as bad as it looks. When the outlook is bad, try the uplook.
We all have our lot in life. Something only we can do. Our job is not to live in the past, but use the past to empower our future. You will never forget if you truly loved.