Bored

Do you ever get bored? I do, very easily it would seem. Not the light weight boredom of a slow moving plot or a monotonous song. But the deeper almost unsettling boredom that makes us lose the joy of living and the enthusiasm of being alive. That is the feeling that seems to overwhelm me on a regular basis.

In my work I deal with customers who are old and poor and live in subsidized housing and do nothing. They cannot work, aren’t physically active. The highlight of their month is going shopping at Walmart. They talk about their maladies and what they used to do and who they used to be. Always it’s the past, never the future.

This is why being bored bothers me. I want to look forward, not backward. I want to be fresh and alive, not barely hanging on. But I am old enough that so far there is very little in my life that is new or different or novel. I am on the verge of being a cynic.

I have a full time job that I am bored with. I go to church three times a week but it’s same old same old most of the time. I am tired of living alone but I was married for 40 years to one woman so getting married and having female companionship is desirable but nothing new. There are days that I feel as though I live in a rut, that never twists or turns or changes. I had a day like that today.

I cannot afford a hobby. I am tired from working and have no vim and vigor for physical activity. I am with people all day every day so solitude is a nice break. I am becoming like old king Solomon who said, all is vanity. There is nothing new under the sun.

Writing this make me feel better even though it does not change anything. And the problem with life is that it is so daily and it happens whether we are in it or not.

Tomorrow will be another day. I hope as you read this your tomorrow will be sweeter than today.

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