One of the strange things about the grief process is when you finally start to feel better and you find you feel guilty about that feeling. You yearn for peace and happiness but when it comes you find a nagging voice in your head telling you it is wrong to feel good when the person you loved has died. I find that when this voice talks to me it uses that awful word should.
You hear a voice whisper in your ear, it is wrong for you to enjoy life. You should be grieving. You have no right not to continue to grieve. How dare you be happy!
You hear a voice chanting in your ear, You should feel good about feeling bad. Don’t you love them? You should show you love them by perpetual mourning.
A word of warning. Whenever you hear a voice in your ear telling you what you should do or how you should feel, tell the Devil to leave. You did your duty, you showed your love by your grief. You did all you could do, and no more can be done. Till death do us part has happened, your obligation to that person ended when they died.
Finally, a day will come when you will little by little feel better. It will be light the sun shining after a bitter storm. It may surprise you. But in the future you will find life as you now are full of surprises.